My thoughts on being a “Work Wife”

Good news! I’m married!

Did I shock you there? No? Okay. Moving on.

Someone, please please please tell me that I’m not the only one this has happened to. I’ve heard the term before, of course, but until I used the mighty resources of The Almighty Google, I had no idea just how common this was. Googling the term brings up not only the expected Wikipedia article, but tons of personal essays and blogging rants. Some of them are absolutely hilarious. You want to see some very angry women? Google “work wives” and read some of the top hits. (I’m aware this may be offensive to some people, but it takes very little to offend me. So read on with a grain of salt).

I didn’t become aware that I was a “work wife” until late last week. We’re going through a huge merger at my office, and things have become tense this month (to say the least). People taking sides, people stealing offices and hating new bosses and trash talking everyone they can. And because we have a relatively small company – and workspace – shiz has been hitting the fan, big time.

But I know that someone always has my back – and that’s Jake, who, for the sake of argument, I’m going to call my work husband. Jake and I are relatively close in age and work in close proximity on an almost daily basis. I do work for a lot of different divisions within our company and Jake is the director of one of those divisions. He has a live-in girlfriend, Katie, who is absolutely awesome. She’s one of those people who you might be really, really good friends with if you had the chance, you know? Jake and I get along famously, but it wasn’t until last week that I had this epiphany. Here’s the evidence of my position as a “work wife:”

Example A: Jake will call me anytime between 7 and 530 with questions like, “can you stick up for me in the meeting tomorrow? I can’t be there.” Which I always do. Given, of course, that he’s right. And if he’s not, I let him know.

Example B: Jake brought me muffins, freshly baked by his girlfriend, when I was having a shitty week. (They were delicious) It’s become sort of a running joke. Oh, you want me to do that write-up for you? It’ll cost two muffins.

Example C: Jake and I are going to San Diego in February for a business conference. Jake’s girlfriend, Katie, is surprisingly okay with this, and told him off for not signing me up months ago.

Example D: I expect Jake to be available for personal venting moments between the hours of 7 and 530 every week day. And he always is. The same goes for when he needs to vent, or needs to be “talked down.”

Example E: Jake and I hate the same people.

Honestly, the last might be the most important of these. It’s sort of how working with my brother would be, I think. And in an office full of increasingly catty people, it’s nice to know that someone has your back, regardless. If they bring you muffins, it sort of seals the deal. The more thought I’ve given this, the more I like the concept. Given the obvious – that there’s no kind of attraction or other feelings involved – it’s sort of like having an ally in an office-oriented game of RISK.

So here’s the big question – what do you guys think about this? Ever experienced it yourselves? Deplore it?

Spill. 

whatno,I don't cheese at work

Somehow, I JUST found out that there's wifi at my job. Like, how did I not know that?! It seems like a very important thing that one should know. There's been a lot of Pandora and Pinterest today, and nobody's checking the history on my laptop to say "hey, we're not paying this girl to imaginarily craft!" 

Emily 1, Job 0.

I believe that's what we refer to as "WINNING!"

That was so last year, but whatever. It's been a busy today. Gotta love a job that keeps you hopping. 

The best part of today though? You ready for this? I talked to a sales rep today who is taking a trip to the UK next spring, Edinburgh and Wales specifically. Um, who lived in Edinburgh for 6 months? This chick did. We spent 40 minutes talking about British guys and got no work done whatsoever. She also agreed to put me in her suitcase so I can find my way back to my favorite city in the world. I miss it like someone would miss their hand if it disappeared. 

THAT'S A LOT OF MISSING. I mean, would you just look at this place?

Hey Elizabeth - if this whole joke about taking me to Scotland doesn't actually happen? I'm taking my business elsewhere. And you will be dead to me. Kidding. Mostly. 

(But seriously)


Over and out.

22,500

That, my friends, is how much money I saved my company today. $22,500 is nothing to sneeze at. Do you think they're falling over themselves telling me how amazing I am? Nope. Life goes on.

Black nail polish for fall, I think yes. Yes, there are clothes on my back seat. Yes, I live out of my car most days. It keeps things exciting.

Cheer - up pumpkin and chocolates from my wonderful friends in accounting. At least they appreciate me. 

Gorgeous fall leaves in Canada, courtesy of my Juliefriend. Lucky duck has a family cabin up there. Their foliage puts ours to shame. Shame, I tell you. 

Lastly (but most exciting), A has informed me that he's coming to visit this weekend over his fall break. It feels like I've barely seen him this semester what with his crazy workload and everything else we have going on. Usually I barely get to see him for a full day, let alone a weekend. Guys, I'm so psyched :) Boyfriend weekends are the best kind of weekend! 

things that are good about work

1. I have a really fantastic office that I'm in the process of decorating, now that I'll be here full-time.

2. Swivel chairs. Enough said.

3. The awesome office has an awesome door that closes. Which means that when I don't have time to do my makeup in the morning, or only paint one hand's worth of nails, I can duck in quickly before anyone sees me, and take care of business. [side note: this happens way too frequently]

4. A long to-do list that is actually going to take years to accomplish. Hey yeah, job security!

5. Really intelligent people to work with and creative freedom.

6. Freedom to get my work done in the way I think I need to, and a boss that thinks I'm brilliant [duh] and who brings me muffins on my birthday, and sends graduation cards.

7. Pinterest [what!]

Friday Confessions

via

1. I spelled "confessions" wrong three different ways before getting it right. Fine liberal arts education at work, right here.

2. The guys I work with make me so happy. I'm a little on the sick side of things, still, so they've been doing their best to cheer me up. Funny stories, pictures of their kids, stopping by my office to chat - they're the best.

3. Sometimes I like to do the Single Ladies dance while I brush my teeth. Seriously. You should try it. It's a perfect energy boost in the morning. It means, too, that I get toothpaste everywhere in the bathroom - mirror, sink, walls, usually my shirt. It's worth it. Woah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh.

4. I've been too lazy to do wash all week, so I've been recycling clothes out of my hamper. Gross.

5. After a lot of personal introspection and agonizing, I went and bought a new dress for the ball tonight. Clearly, I am a very bad person with no morals or capacity for saving. Shame.

6. Had I spent the amount of time I've spent on Pinterest this week actually doing work, I could have researched and written several full-length papers. If I included the time I've spent looking at apartments, I probably could have written a thesis paper.

7. Instead of spending $8 to get my car washed, I've been wiping it down with Armor-All wipes. Really, it does work. Mostly.

8. I yelled at a kid in class the other day. To be fair, he was making insanely asinine comments. It's not my fault that dumb things come out of his mouth every time he opens it. If you're not going to do the work, be narrow-minded, and regurgitate mantras for movements that you don't understand, you have what's coming to you.

9. Sometimes I get jealous. There's a girl in A's class that used to like him a long time ago, and since it's a senior seminar class with only nine people, he has to do work with her on a regular basis. Deep down I know there's no reason to be worried, but that green monster comes out sometimes anyway: She's pretty. She's athletic. She's doing work with him. She has really nice clothes. Those things sound stupid, but they can take root nevertheless.

10. Two of the things I'm most looking forward to about getting an apartment with my best friend: sharing clothes, and getting a cat. I'm basically set up for life as a crazy cat woman.

Guys, it's been a really weird week. I'm beyond ready to let it go, move on, and do some serious Cupid Shuffling tonight.



What are your Friday confessions?

belated

For a million personal reasons that I won't go into,
these past few days have been awful.
The not eating, not sleeping kind of awful.
I perpetually feel like there's a knot in my stomach,
or that some giant fist is suckerpunching me,
over and over and over.
And it doesn't stop.
The last thing I wanted was to come into work today,
but I'm so glad that I did, because I found this:

Reason number 5 million why I have the best boss in the world.
He remembered my favorite kind of muffins.
That one tiny gesture has made the rest of my day so much better
than the sad way it began.

Now I'm trying to figure out a way to pass that on,
and hopefully make someone else's day a tiny bit better.

In Which I Hate the Gym

I know, right?

Two posts in one day.

Ridiculous.

But .. my blog, my rules.

So whatever.

I just taught two more (older) guys

that I work with

how to fist bump

and then blow it up.

I'm feeling pretty awesome about life.

Additionally,

it has been sunny, and warm(ish)

for like, three whole days now.

My freckles are trying to make an appearance.

I almost want to cheer for them,

but then I remember how much I detest looking

like Anne of Green Gables.

Um and yeah,

so last night at the gym,

there were a whole bunch of really strong, muscle-y looking dudes

working out together,

and it was super intimidating because I was a solid foot shorter than any one of them,

plus they were lifting weights approximately my body weight.

So naturally, I tried to lift more than I could

in an effort to appear less weak and pathetic than I actually am,

and now today I am sad and limping.

And more weak and pathetic than I thought possible.

Also kind of bow-legged,

because all those squats?

Yeah.

I'm never going again.

squats

I have come up with a new way of staying awake at work.

For anyone interested.

Whenever I get bored or restless,

which is often,

I make myself do squats.

(For extra fun and shaping action, try it in heels).

Motivation guaranteed.

Trust me,

it's hard to sit around and do nothing

when your bum feels like it's on fire.

This is additionally necessary because,
since I've become a born again (again) vege,
and meat is off the menu,
I've been substituting with cookies.
There has to be a better way.

thoughts on doing your make-up at work

Guess who woke up late again?

If you guessed it was the hot-mess intern who is really only masquerading as a professional, you'd be correct.

At 6 o'clock, my alarm went off, and I gently - lovingly - touched the snooze button. Or it might have been the off button. Because my butt rolled out of bed at 7:16, and me, myself, and I had a slight panic attack. Just a slight one.

I was only the teeeensiest bit late though. Which means I had to do my makeup at my desk, and hope no one walked in. I think it came out okay?

The longer I look at this, the more freaked out I get. Did I mention that I don't like eyeballs?

You know what's funny though? The light is actually better here than in my bathroom at home ...

Interesting.

Anyway. Today should be fun; my department is having our gift exchange luncheon, which traditionally lasts from noon til at least 2:30, and then tonight I'm possibly finishing up Christmas shopping with one of my oldest and best friends.

And, for those of you interested, the tree is still up, and the cat is still alive. Season of miracles.

The tree still isn't decorated though.

Anybody have any fast make-up at work tips?

On Trees and Things

So, this weekend. Oy.

Saturday night was my company's corporate Christmas party. It was fancy. Some people were wearing gowns, that kind of fancy. Obviously not my comfort zone. A live band was there (they were horrible though: proof that money doesn't neccessarily imply good taste) and the first hour was open bar, meaning, of course, that by the end of that hour most people were feeling preeeeety good (did I mention that the party began at 6? No?). Through a series of odd coincidences I ended up sitting at the best table there; all the way in the back corner, and right next to the bar, which my table-mates took full advantage of. Five hours later, we were the last people to leave. And that was only because the founder of the company came over and (very politely) asked if he was going to be paying for breakfast as well. Most of the night is probably not internet appropriate, so let's just leave it at that.

My family got our tree, too. Every year we get out to the tree lot exceptionally late. I think it's a game between my parents, to see how long they can avoid getting one. The plus side of this is that the lot owner knows us, and always knocks the price down. The downside is that there aren't many trees left by the time we get there, so we don't always find the best trees. I have a soft spot for Charlie Brown ones though, so it usually works out. Our tree this year though? She's a beaut. And at $25 dollars, you can't beat that with a stick.

Our cat is absolutely going to destroy it though. It's her first Christmas in the house, and I have a feeling we're going to have to hog-tie the tree to the wall. If both tree and cat escape the holidays unscathed, it'll be a minor Christmas miracle.

Back In The Game

Dear Life,

I'm sorry I've been a bad contact lately. You know the kind. Absent-minded, hard to get ahold of, not terribly invested. Certainly you've been trying to get me back for a few days now, but I just haven't been here. Not mentally, anyway. I barely even noticed your seasons changing, or the way the air has started to smell of fall, especially in the early morning. I was so caught up in various occupations and dramas and crises of the personal variety that I forgot to give you a chance. When you let little things pile up into big things, it's easy to do, you know.

You are a beautiful thing though. Sometimes I forget this. I know I shouldn't. In being frustrated and angry with everything instead of waking each morning to new chances and a new day, I've been doing you a great disservice. I need to remember to never be too stressed to smile. Please forgive me.

Love,
Me

Ps. Also, thank you for bringing all of my coworkers back safely from their conference in LA, and bringing them banging on my door shouting Chris Farley quotes and singing Metallica songs. Friday afternoons at the office are a crazy time. I've missed them, and clearly they've missed me as well.