afternoon walks

noodles

This is really a whole lot of nothing pretending to be a post, so feel free to skip it unless you enjoy these sort of things. Brains just don't make sense sometimes, you know?

Apologies to all the winter people out there, but after 21 years of careful research and analysis, I've come to the conclusion that I hate winter. It's both cold and wet, it makes my nose turn the color of Rudolph's, and it makes me sit in my cold car and wait for the windshield to defrost, making me even later than I was originally planning to be.
There are good things though, like big sweaters and hot tea and old stone fireplaces and movie days and Christmas trees.

Anyway, the point of this is not to say that I hate winter, but to say that life is funny sometimes, and that the people you end up caring for the most come out of nowhere when you least expect them.

There's this guy that I've been seeing for a month and a half back at school (I call him a lot of things, but let's call him 'A'), and sadly he lives several states away. We have yet to see each other over break, so we text a lot. And our conversations mostly go a little like this:

A: I just made noodles ... they are so much better than yours!
E: Oh, nonsense.
A: Dude, these noodles are so amazing, yours were all stale and s**t
E: They were not stale!
A: ... Your noodles were so stale.
E: You're an ass.
A: No. You're an ass. I miss you.
E: I miss you too.

... Typical. We really do like each other, I swear.

Oh, and by the way, just for the record. Those noodles? Not stale at all.

And speaking of things that aren't relevant to anything at all, I got my grades back for this semester, and somehow managed to get the best GPA of my college career so far, despite working many hours and being completely distracted by a million things.

It's official, you guys. I'm awesome.

thoughts on doing your make-up at work

Guess who woke up late again?

If you guessed it was the hot-mess intern who is really only masquerading as a professional, you'd be correct.

At 6 o'clock, my alarm went off, and I gently - lovingly - touched the snooze button. Or it might have been the off button. Because my butt rolled out of bed at 7:16, and me, myself, and I had a slight panic attack. Just a slight one.

I was only the teeeensiest bit late though. Which means I had to do my makeup at my desk, and hope no one walked in. I think it came out okay?

The longer I look at this, the more freaked out I get. Did I mention that I don't like eyeballs?

You know what's funny though? The light is actually better here than in my bathroom at home ...

Interesting.

Anyway. Today should be fun; my department is having our gift exchange luncheon, which traditionally lasts from noon til at least 2:30, and then tonight I'm possibly finishing up Christmas shopping with one of my oldest and best friends.

And, for those of you interested, the tree is still up, and the cat is still alive. Season of miracles.

The tree still isn't decorated though.

Anybody have any fast make-up at work tips?

Venting

Excuse me while I get on my imaginary soapbox for a sec, in a

(somewhat)

poetic way.

*ahem*

1. WHY ARE BOYS SO HARD TO SHOP FOR?

     Self explanatory.

     I'm pretty sure the men in my life are the pickiest,

most expensive-tasted people

on the planet.

And I haven't the foggiest what to get ANY of them.

On the other hand, this website is pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Not even kidding. Check it out.

I would like some of these things

myself.

Season of giving notwithstanding.

If anyone is interested.

I don't know what this says about my sense of humor

2. WHY PULL OUT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE IN SUCH AN ALL-FIRED HURRY WHEN YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO GO UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT?

I hate when people do this.

hatehatehatehatehatehate it.

I'm an over-the-limit (but safe, mom!) driver.

And I will gladly let people go in front of me, because hey,

life isn't a race and it's the nice thing to do.

But when people cut in front of me, I fully expect them to continue

moving with their foot slammed on the gas the way they

must have to cut in front of me.

Since I truck along pretty good myself,

it takes quite a bit of effort on their part.

So please, have the courtesy to at least

*hit*

the speed limit.

Not unreasonable.

3. WHY CAN I NEVER WAKE UP ON TIME?

     I guess this doesn't count, since it's more of a personal failing.

Usually I struggle with this, but holy cheesus,

for some reason,

6 am just is not happening these days.

On Trees and Things

So, this weekend. Oy.

Saturday night was my company's corporate Christmas party. It was fancy. Some people were wearing gowns, that kind of fancy. Obviously not my comfort zone. A live band was there (they were horrible though: proof that money doesn't neccessarily imply good taste) and the first hour was open bar, meaning, of course, that by the end of that hour most people were feeling preeeeety good (did I mention that the party began at 6? No?). Through a series of odd coincidences I ended up sitting at the best table there; all the way in the back corner, and right next to the bar, which my table-mates took full advantage of. Five hours later, we were the last people to leave. And that was only because the founder of the company came over and (very politely) asked if he was going to be paying for breakfast as well. Most of the night is probably not internet appropriate, so let's just leave it at that.

My family got our tree, too. Every year we get out to the tree lot exceptionally late. I think it's a game between my parents, to see how long they can avoid getting one. The plus side of this is that the lot owner knows us, and always knocks the price down. The downside is that there aren't many trees left by the time we get there, so we don't always find the best trees. I have a soft spot for Charlie Brown ones though, so it usually works out. Our tree this year though? She's a beaut. And at $25 dollars, you can't beat that with a stick.

Our cat is absolutely going to destroy it though. It's her first Christmas in the house, and I have a feeling we're going to have to hog-tie the tree to the wall. If both tree and cat escape the holidays unscathed, it'll be a minor Christmas miracle.

"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself"

- Mark Twain 

I'm so, so happy to be home and puddling about doing my own thing. 

These are pictures of my friend's family's Christmas tree that I took on my first night home.

Quotes From Home

Me (writing a paper on Seminole Indian agriculture): "The Seminole cultivated a variety of crops, including corn, bananas, sugar cane, and various squashes. Wait. Various squashes?"


Pop: "the only people that drink pineapple soda are Puerto Ricans ... and your brother"


Eli: "I go by a lot of names. Eli, Son, Boss, Hamshank ... " 


Mom: "Would you three get out of my way?!"


It's good to be back. 

so let's talk about my cleaning lady

One of the perks of paying a painfully large amount of money to go to a private college is that there are cleaning people. They come round three times a week to scrape the vomit off the bathroom floor and restore the dwindling supply of toilet paper and they wash the floors too, God bless them. At least that's what they're supposed to do.


Ours is a little .... questionable. 


Her favorite hobbies include smoking on our back porch, talking loudly on the phone for hours on end, and mopping the staircase halfway, then leaving the mop and bucket strewn across the floor while she disappears for an undetermined amount of time. 


I always try to smile at her and say good morning. Usually I get a "hmph. ehhh errr heh" kind of noise in response (this isn't Spanish. I've babblefish-ed it). So, who knows.


Then there is the matter of the Van. The cleaning lady comes in the Van. It is a maroon deal, the kind they stopped making years ago. I believe it's a Windstar. Oh, yes. So the cleaning lady comes in the Van, and then she leaves. But the Van? The Van remains, parked outside our house, in the driveway. Two days later, the cleaning lady re-appears, and the Van is still there. It has not moved. 


The only thing I can think of is: she must be living in the Van. 


These things do happen, you know. 

“sometimes prettiest girls just do the ugliest things”

Then again, sometimes people do unexpectedly beautiful things.

They can surprise you with their caring, their willingness to do anything for you, their dedication to showing their love.

I think those are the things you have to believe in – the good in people, not the bad.

If you believe in the bad side of people, in their darkness and ability to harm you, that’s the only side you will ever see, because that’s what you’ll be looking for.

A slight slip, a crack; an indication that they, too, will disappoint you.

It’s not true.

People are good; good people make mistakes.

That doesn’t make them bad.

It makes them human.

And that makes them all the more loveable.

You make mistakes too, don’t you?

"i have decided to be happy, because it is good for my health"

it's finals week. yup.


everyone's a mess. collegeville is a giant sobbing mess of students wondering why they took this class or that one, or why the gods hate them, or why they didn't start taking adderall sooner (not that i know anything about the last one, but it happens a lot, apparently?). 


on the other hand, i've decided that stress is a waste of time, and am absolutely enjoying this last week. ursinus does this terrific thing where during finals week a bunch of the staff come together and make breakfast for the students ... at 9 at night. it is so awesome. they really make some terrific chocolate pancakes, which are like the food of the gods at this point in the semester. 


some people thrive off the stress, which i do a lot of the time, but for some reason this time around, i'm just not worried. i ought to be, in all likelihood. but, nope. i'm happy as a clam, really. 


my brain's defensive mechanisms may be shady at best, and i may be underachieving at a miraculous rate, but everything i need to get done, will be, and it will be done well, and in five days i'll be at home! 


to everyone else going through this stress ... it's all gonna be okay. take a break, remember to breathe, sleep for a little, even if it's on the lounge couches, and trust in your friends (human and caffeine) to get you through. we'll be done so very very soon.

the heart of a girl

it's a fragile place to be, full of misplaced hopes and unfulfilled dreams. it's insecure one second and floating on mists of love the next. it's not acting the way you know you ought to, because you can't bring yourself to pretend.  then again, it's showing the world a different face than the one you see in the mirror. it's reacting, then taking those reactions back ten minutes later when you realize they aren't what you meant at all.


i am constantly being reminded today of the fact that God gave us emotions as a blessing, but we don't let those determine our actions. 

Mistletoe

One of my friends had an ugly sweater Christmas party last weekend. It was wonderful.

It's times like this that I am so very very grateful to be alive, to be here, to be so loved.

to be an anchor

(not my feet - from weheartit.com)

If there is one thing I want it is to be incorrigible.

I want to be incorrigible in happiness, in love, in faith, in resoluteness, in putting other people first, in doing the right thing even when it hurts.

To be an anchor for others, their inspiration and hope when everything else is gone.

To know what holds me fast and rely wholly upon it.

To gather inspiration from the mundane and trivial, and run with it.

To put my faith in love and goodness and not be swayed by the rest of the world.

To never stop growing.

To be 21, and young, and wise, and stupid, to know nothing and everything all at once, to embrace the fullness of reckless abandon, to stay grounded in what matters most, to have a world of possibilities ahead of me ... forever.

I Don't Even Know Anymore

Can you love someone so much it hurts? Can you stop caring about the rest of the world for a time, for a millisecond in the infinite expanse of the universe, but long enough to drive your friends and family mad because they no longer see you or - possibly - even think you exist? Can you manipulate your time around a person so that your days are no longer centered around the things you must do but the time when you can be with them, and everything else becomes secondary? Can you honestly stop caring if you eat or sleep because it's a waste of time?

These are the questions that are on my mind these days.

That, and "what am I doing with my life?" Of course, this is never out of my head; it's an endless cycle of what-if's that never slows, let alone stops. My favorite professor designated our class time today to talking about our futures as environmental studies undergrads. I felt like vomiting. After class two of my best friends and I walked back to our house and huddled together for a solid half hour, crying. Sometimes, there are no words.

I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm doing, so please, don't ask. There are a million things I desire out of life, from staying at Ursinus in my lovely little white house forever to travelling the globe and seeing everything God created for us to enjoy. The thought of so many opportunities, all the logistics, all the things I need to happen or could make happen is so overwhelming. My body physically hurts from the stress and the thinking of it all. i'm moments away from tears at the drop of a hat. Christmas music makes me cry, the sight of babies and young families makes me cry, the idea of leaving makes me sob. And yet I'm so happy that I almost don't care. I've never felt so alive. Is it possible to have a (slightly less than) quarter life crisis? I think I'm having one.