bloody pirates

http://www.pbase.com

So my brother sent me a joke today, while I was at lunch.

I love jokes. 

And this one sent me into gales of laughter.

Gales, I tell you.

I snorted. Then my whole body jerked upright. And I started convulsing.

If if sounds similar to a seizure, you'd be correct. 

But my sisters knew it was only a laughing fit, and wanted in on the joke.
So I shared it with them, and they loved it.
We are all so very mature.
So without further ado, or fanfare, or anything else, here it is:


So a pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sir, you have a steering wheel in your pants!" The pirate replies, "Arr, I know, and it's driving me nuts!!"


So there it is. And if you found it hysterically funny the way I did ... you're welcome.
And if not, well. 
There's just no accounting for good taste ;)

in which I suffer greatly for beauty

the bff and I met up for dinner last night after I got off work.
well, really we met up to go shopping.
but we're both broke and we like food more than we like clothes,
so that went downhill pretty quickly.


but a really sweet gay guy in Friendly's told me that he liked 
my ripped jeans, even though it's way too cold for them in February,
and he sympathized with me for "suffering for beauty."


overall, it was a pretty fantastic night. 


oh and hey, it's like 45 degrees out today, and the inner European in me woke up and went
"HEY! IT'S WARM! AND THERE'S SUNSHINE!"
so it's a shorts and tights kind of day. 
oh Scotland. 
I MISS IT.

is anyone else buying into the legwarmers, tights, and boots trend?

I didn't at first ... but then I had to.

and I haven't looked back since.

weekends are for

1. sunshine, surprise snowstorms, and robins outside your window

2. marathon watching downton abbey

3. sweatpants

4. catching up with friends via Skype and hearing about their world travels

5. brainstorming vintage photoshoot ideas

6. catching up on laundry

7. spending quality time with people

8. SLEEP

9. eating a rather unhealthy amount of carry-out chinese noodles (they came with broccoli?)

10. obsessing over this website. seriously, if Downtown Abbey had a closet, it would be this. and if I had more money, I would buy all some of their things. drooling.

belated

For a million personal reasons that I won't go into,
these past few days have been awful.
The not eating, not sleeping kind of awful.
I perpetually feel like there's a knot in my stomach,
or that some giant fist is suckerpunching me,
over and over and over.
And it doesn't stop.
The last thing I wanted was to come into work today,
but I'm so glad that I did, because I found this:

Reason number 5 million why I have the best boss in the world.
He remembered my favorite kind of muffins.
That one tiny gesture has made the rest of my day so much better
than the sad way it began.

Now I'm trying to figure out a way to pass that on,
and hopefully make someone else's day a tiny bit better.

lazy

there's something about this Thursday morning that is making me
just not care.
it might be the new book I'm working on, 
or the sunshine,
or that I just don't want to get out of leggings and put jeans on,
but whatever. 
I'm taking a mini vacay, and it feels really, really good.

in other self-centered news, I'm trying hard to work on peace lately.
as in, having it, acknowledging it,
doing my best to make it my center.
so I wrote out this quote, and I have it hanging on my wall.


PEACE.
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
it means to be in the midst of all those things,
and still be calm in your heart.


[unknown]


how do you find peace?

it's my birthday

holy cheesus, I'm 22. 
I feel like just yesterday I was a little girl, wanting to be older.
When I was older I would be stronger, smarter, more capable.
I would be pretty and popular and have a nice cat and a nice boyfriend.
I think I also wanted a purple car.

Obviously, not all of those things have happened,
but it's been quite a life, and while I may not like everything that's happened in it,
the older I get, the more I appreciate how every moment,
every instant,
they shape you and teach you to grow.

So bring it on, 22. You've got nothing I'm afraid of.

today is a BIG day

It's A's 21st birthday!
For two whole days, we will be the same age.
And then, as he keeps reminding me, I get to be old again. 
Yes. To him, 22 is basically geriatric. 
Whatevs. You're only as old as you act, and I think that if that's the case,
I'm going to be just fine for a long, longgggg time. 


Yesterday's blonde moment:
On the phone with my grandmother, she tells me that she bought Adele 21,
the DVD of Adele's (amazing) performance in the Prince Albert Hall.
I heard "A Dell 21" (which may or may not actually exist),
go sort of into shock, and start saying things like
"Granny, that's amazing! I didn't know you knew how to use a computer!"


*Open mouth, insert foot* 


I have some big plans for the weekend, so you may or may not hear from me.
If you don't, it's probably safe to assume that I'm busying spoiling my dude,
and he's busy spoiling me back
(at least if he knows what's good for him). 


Oh, and did you know that if you Google "birthday cakes"
you get some seriously, seriously ugly ones? 
Some people just have no taste.

catch a grenade for you

And no, I'm not referring to the song.

Yesterday, the entire campus recieved this email at approximately 3 pm:

"During routine maintenance in the basement of an unoccupied campus house, a Facilities Services staff member found a very old grenade.  He alertly followed emergency protocols, and  Police and Fire departments were notified. 

As a precautionary measure, a bomb squad has been called in to safely remove the grenade.  There is no need for alarm nor a call to evacuate campus at this time.  I will be in contact with the Police Chief until the process is complete."

really.

a bomb squad.

There are no unoccupied houses on campus. Our housing directors are turning study rooms into dorm rooms because people need places to live.

It could have been any house.

Heck, it could have been my house.

And um, why a grenade? You don't just buy those things at Target and then forget about them.

Makeup? Brita filters? Coffee Mate? Socks? All yes.

Grenades? Not so much.

The roomie and I were on the floor, laughing hysterically.

This occured less than 24 hours after the incident in which someone set a sponge on fire in a microwave, and no less than eight fire trucks showed up to contain the fire in a dorm hall.

For those of you interested, microwaving is a perfectly normal way to disinfect the common kitchen sponge.

Ten to fifteen seconds is an acceptable time to kill germs.

At four minutes and thirty seconds a sponge will burst into flames.

Just a heads up.

Have a lovely weekend.

trivial

Today's post is nothing important.

So if you'd like to save your brain,

feel free.

Some Random Things:

1. I realized this morning that when I yawn, my bottom jaw goes sideways,

like Barbra Steisand when she sings. 

I have this crazy, undying love for Babs that my family thinks is completely weird.

And okay, maybe it is.

But she is a classy, classy lady

and Funny Girl will always have my heart.

2. Do you all love Downton Abbey as much as I do?

You should. You really, really should.

It's the best show on the telly right now, hands down.

But they aren't showing Season 2 in the US yet, 

so you either have to be super illegal,

or go to the PBS Masterpiece website

(to be clear, I would certainly suggest you take the second route, if for no other reason

than that viruses suck).

http://video.pbs.org/program/masterpiece/

3. I swore I would never be one of those "college girls."

You know, the kind that wears gym clothes like they're street clothes

and goes to class with their thermoses and tea and laptops

and just is so stereotype-y it makes you want to vomit?

Yeah, that's me today.

Please try not to judge.

*Disclaimer*

I do not own, nor will I ever own, UGG boots.

I like to think this makes me a better person. 

Oh yeah.

One last thing.

See the hot man door lurking in the background?

We're always taking suggestions. So shoot 'em this way.

crafty

That's right.

I was crafty today.

It happens sometimes. 

I made valentines for all 55 of my sisters.

FIFTY-FIVE. 

Martha Stewart ain't got nothin' on this chick.

My hand was getting so cramped by the end

from folding and cutting and writing

"Happy Valentine's Day!" fifty-five times,

but they made my sisters smile.

And besides, I baked myself a batch of browines as a reward.

So, totally worth it.

In other news, I think there are big plans brewing for tomorrow.

A has been secretive for days,

grinning to himself for no reason

and checking his emails constantly.

It's just plain unnerving.

Boys and secrets ...

such a bad mix.

fill in the blank ... saturday?

I tried to do an outfit post yesterday, guys.

I sincerely did.

But holy macaroni was I awkward.

Like, what do people do with their hands?

And how do you stand?

And smile so that it doesn't look super fake?

I may not be cut out for these things.

I sort of ended up doing a lot of asian hands

(you know, throwing up the peace sign like a boss)

so for now all you get is a fill in the blank,

and a promise that I will try harder tomorrow.

Pinky swear.

1.  I started my blog because: I love writing. I write all the time. I write for me, I write for no reason, for any reason. I find an inate sense of satisfaction in finding the right word for the right moment, and even though I flounder much of the time, sometimes I actually can. 

2.   One thing I love seeing on other blogs: Design ideas, recipies, pictures of babies. I want a baby so bad. But not really (at least that's what I'm telling myself). 

3.  Something I love about blogging: All the amazing people who exist who might never have come together otherwise!

4. A favorite blog post of mine is probably: One that I haven't posted yet. Stay tuned! But in the meantime, check out ... 

-  my awkward life at college

- my 2011 in review

- thoughts on mustaches

- that one time I went fishing with my dad

- kind of an introduction to me

5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog are:  my deep, dark secrets. There are some things that just shouldn't be put online ;)

6.  Some things I tend to avoid doing on my blog are: talking about super-personal things, and being excessively rude, or negative in any way. Oh, and I think I'm a lot more snarky writing than I am in real life.

Oh and PS,

say hi to Puddle,

the penguin pillow pet,

and best cuddler in the entire world.

  

thanks babe :)

Things I Love, I

I wish I could hate Urban Outfitters.

I really do.

Because then I could peacefully detest their lovely things

and not want to buy them as much as I do.

It's a good thing that I don't have the money to go there,

otherwise this little girl would be in

HUGE trouble.

But since it's my birthday soon,

I get to look and not feel guilty ;)

So enjoy some of the things that have caught my eye today.

So okay, the pictures are really blurry.

Sorry.

But now you have an excuse to go and check them out for yourself.

In fact, I mustache that you do so.

mustache?

get it?

I crack myself up.

sisters

love them.

It's hard to describe to someone on the outside,

but being in a sorority is one of the greatest blessings in my life.

Imagine having a network of fifty girls,
ready to catch you the second you start stumbling.

Ready to drop everything for you.

Always ready to tell you how much they love you,

and mean every word of it.

No, it's not always perfect.

No, not everyone gets along all the time.

Much like a blood family.

But that doesn't mean you don't love each other.

Or enjoy taking ridiculous pictures all the time,

for absolutely no reason.

Just because you want to remember every single moment,

the little ones, that mean nothing at all to everyone else,

but the world to you. 

this actually happened ...

This is an absolutely 100% legit conversation that occurred over the weekend

in my college house

between two of the new girls that moved in this semester.

They are, as you will see,

very.

 classy individuals

(please read these in the most whiny, stereotypical college-girl voice that you can muster)

Girl 1: Ohmygawd, I'm so ready to go out tonight!
Girl 2: OhmyGAWD, me too!
Girl 1: I'm like, so ready to have a good time
Girl 2: Holy ----, me too! So ready.
Girl 1: Do you like this dress?
Girl 2: You look totally hot.
Girl 1: Do I look bangable?  (*she actually said the word "bangable")
Girl 2: Totally!
Girl 1: Okay, good. I'm totally getting some tonight.
Girl 2: Me too!
Girl 1: Ohmygawd, how awkward would it be if we both brought guys home tonight?
Girl 2: So awkward!
Girl 1: I guess we could take turns ...

At this point, the roomie and I closed our door so as not to hear any more of this

completely enlightening conversation.

And then proceeded to laugh hysterically.

Clearly, Girl 2's role in life is to be

the personal cheerleader of Girl 1.

Which is funny enough on its own.

But apparently later that night, the roomie saw

Girl 1 walking out of the bathroom

completely stark naked (and completely drunk) and back into her room,

where Random Older Guy 1 was waiting.

Girl 2 was nowhere in sight.

Probably waiting her turn.

It's been really hard to say hi to them

and not laugh in their faces at the absurdness that they represent.

I'm so glad I missed out on that mindset.

And that my roomie did as well.

Sometimes I feel like I'm too old for college.

Or, at least, college in the way most people think of it.

In Which I Hate the Gym

I know, right?

Two posts in one day.

Ridiculous.

But .. my blog, my rules.

So whatever.

I just taught two more (older) guys

that I work with

how to fist bump

and then blow it up.

I'm feeling pretty awesome about life.

Additionally,

it has been sunny, and warm(ish)

for like, three whole days now.

My freckles are trying to make an appearance.

I almost want to cheer for them,

but then I remember how much I detest looking

like Anne of Green Gables.

Um and yeah,

so last night at the gym,

there were a whole bunch of really strong, muscle-y looking dudes

working out together,

and it was super intimidating because I was a solid foot shorter than any one of them,

plus they were lifting weights approximately my body weight.

So naturally, I tried to lift more than I could

in an effort to appear less weak and pathetic than I actually am,

and now today I am sad and limping.

And more weak and pathetic than I thought possible.

Also kind of bow-legged,

because all those squats?

Yeah.

I'm never going again.

Sometimes, 

you need to take a little time for yourself.

To put aside the mountains of work that need to be done,

and the laundry and dishes that

are many days overdue

(tmi? sorry)

and spend some time doing what you want.

Everything else can wait.