August 29, 2012

meet my alter ego.

sometimes I think I have an alter ego.

I haven't named her yet, but I'll bet it would be something along the lines of Lafawnda. or Lucretia. or Shanay-nay. or Wanda Sykes. things get pretty fun when she shows up. 

sassy nameless alter ego does not look like this:



nuh uh. no way. And whoever tagged January Jones as a "sassy woman" (yes, I Googled it): for real? Are you for real? 

no, sassy alter ego looks a lot less calm and a lot more like this:




yes. my alter ego, oddly enough, is a sassy black woman.
[I'm not trying to be offensive here, just going with stereotypes. because we all know those are so true.]

sassy alter ego doesn't take crap from people. she has no problem saying no, she actually holds up her index finger to make a point, and makes the duck face more than any person should. she also gives a damn good hairy eyeball. 
sassy alter ego says the heck with eating healthy; we are going to Subway today. because that's what we want to do. and momma gets what momma wants. (kidding. that was too far)
sassy alter ego swears in front of her mother, refuses to conform to work dress code, yells at people who can't drive, glares at everyone, has witty comebacks for anything thrown at her, and offers scathingly honest opinions no matter what the topic. 
sassy alter ego wonders what it is, exactly, that they put in those little brown pills at the end of the packet. and she would give a certain apple-eating, snake charming female of the B-I-B-L-E a royal smackdown if she ever got the chance.

sassy alter ego and I are almost complete opposites. she's a fun houseguest, but thank God she only shows up for 2 days a month. people might start thinking I have problems. you know, serious ones. 

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